What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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