Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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