I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
