So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize