Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
