is your mom at the bar?
plz talk dirty to me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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