matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
