"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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