Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
3 2 1 whiskey
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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