so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Terrible idea I love it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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