it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
porn star boner night. come get it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
