billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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