i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
