How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
