Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
