if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
