It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Randomize
