i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
