then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
