a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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