You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
