you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
