So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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