Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
