um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
