Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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