Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize