My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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