If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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