She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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