I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
