God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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