i was born a porn star she said
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
