I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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