all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
