I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
