she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
