dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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