im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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