I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
