Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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