i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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