How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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