It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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