So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
