oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
