you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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