I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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