He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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