Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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