Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
