Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
