so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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