my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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