I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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