sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize