Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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