I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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