I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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