you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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