so explain again why im purple
no
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
