It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
