I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
birth control should be required to get into college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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