she was so not down for the gang bang
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
