So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
