oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
