I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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