just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
