I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
