I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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