did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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