I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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