dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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