His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
