M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
