Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
