I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
