bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize