did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
